Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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