I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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