i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
