so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
