I'm drive I can fine osifer
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
