I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
