Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
