Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Randomize
