Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
