Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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