we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
