i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
