My first STD was from a foam party
Buhtt sex?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
