i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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