im about as happy as oj after his trial
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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