I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
