Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
