So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize