And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
