WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
