I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
