Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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