Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
