Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
