have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
