her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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