so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
