i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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