The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize