I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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