i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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