Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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