She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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