Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
