Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I understand Curling. That high.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
