hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
