All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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