My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
