You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
