look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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