Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
