Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
