your parents love me but you hate me
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
