i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize