My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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