kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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