My brain says no but my pants say off.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
