im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
