Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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