i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
