My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
