when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
