So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
