She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Blood and glitter go together right?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
