Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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