i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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