Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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