i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
