oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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