Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
