I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
