so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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