she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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