Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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