You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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