put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
