YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
