Tell her she can't have a vagina
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
