the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
