we have officially lost it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
