last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
