How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
