just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
