this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
