i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
