a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
