wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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