She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
