Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
