nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
