Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
