Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
