I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
