a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
