she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
