We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
