I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
