Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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