I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
