She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
