taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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