Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
