Small penises have feelings too.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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