i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize