life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i believe in u and ur pee
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
