I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
