Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize