There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
