My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
