I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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