So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
