i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
